Raghav Writes | A Life of lies

The following poem by Raghav may be light on language but is heavy in the heart. Feel the pain of majority of men in their middle years.

My son will be an engineer said my dad
As he took me in his hand for the first time
Having not even decided on my name
But robbing me of my choice of career.

My son is not like yours he won’t talk to girls
Boosted my mom to the next door aunty
I grew up keeping her words so true
And confused at the same time whether
She wants me to be gay.

I do not have a say in the courses I take
I just went with the flow and when I grabbed
Myself a cubicle in a MNC, every other uncle friend
Of my dad started speaking as if I have found a treasure.

Yes it is an opportunity not everyone gets
But so is every other job
What makes being a PA to someone from USA
Sound status worthy?  I never got it.

Muted by parents at every moment I try to speak
I lost my voice early in life.
I have no idea how it will even sound at a higher pitch.
I naturally fumbled at appraisals,
MNCs are places where silent workers are welcome
They’ll be shut down to the corner and paid decently,
And they’ll be doing their part ahead of time
And work for every other person in the team.
Please don’t ask about their appraisals. Most Important,
Mind you – the paid decently part was purely sarcastic.

I don’t dance or drink, sing or smoke
I don’t talk like every other potential RJ in the team
Pizzas tastes like shit to me, I puke at the smell of sandwiches
Coffees don’t keep me up; Nor does Cornetto excite me
I don’t find sweet corn tasty
My only sexual experience is an occasional consumption of secret porn.
Still I manage a few years in a metro city
Just to be looked up by friends at home as if I escaped out of some fantasy land.

I earn for my parents to pay our home rent
I earn for my sister to get married
Damn those imbecile bastards seeking hefty dowries
Even after being one other slave few steps ahead of me.
I never think about my dress; gets teased at by every other girl
I give a sly smile showing my uneven teeth
Evoking still embarrassing teases.
Of course, money can make me smarter but
It can wait for now. Family comes first.
I never regret a bit of it yet I cry every night
Thinking of all that I could have been.

A movie star, the prime minister, Bill Gates
Those were the dreams I had and said no one
Nor did I know how to reach them
When I badly want to go back to my childhood days,
Parents bring up the topic of my marriage.
Heck No! I want to shout at the top of my lungs
I have no experience in it and I stay silent.
As usual, that silence is taken as a sign of yes.

From fairy tales while feeding me to giving me an illusion
Of security and settling me in to a married life
My whole life is being built on a fabric of lies.
Each thread of different colours but each one no less a lie than the other
You granted me a life. True! Thank you
But you can’t take it for granted. Please give it to me.

By Raghav



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